Conference Call Notes
Soaring Success Call 08/24/09
These are the notes from an international conference call I hosted. Enjoy.
Everyone get something to write/type on.
We all label ourselves and are labeled by other people. Some examples of labels are: Smart, Shy, intelligent, poor, cocky, dramatic, low self esteem, hard worker, lazy, procrastinator, etc.
Please write down the first 4-6 labels that you think you are. These can be positive or negative, but try to list the negative ones first.
Write them with the words “I am a …..
So an example of my labels would be
I am a procrastinator
I am unfocused
I am a short attention span
I am shy
A side note is that if you say “I have” it’s the same as saying “I am” so I have a short attention span, really means I am a short attention span subconsciously.
None of these labels have to be what you are 100% of the time, but they are something that you have called yourself or been called at times in life, and things that still apply to you in one way or another.
Ok, now that you are clear on some of your labels put your pen’s/keyboards back for a second and stop writing please.
We have a problem, what we fight gets stronger. What we empower gets stronger, what we think about or focus on gets stronger. Basic example of this is gravity.
It may sound silly, but imagine that you really don’t like gravity. You decide that you will not let gravity control your life any more. Your just not going to play with gravity. So you decide to fight gravity by avoiding it. In order to do this you decide to stay in bed forever. You are not going to put up with this gravity thing, you are going to fight it by avoiding it as best as you can. What happens? Your muscles get weaker, and the inverse of that is gravity gets stronger. This may sound silly, but how well does it relate to our lives. How often do we try to fight what we don’t like.
The truth is our nature tries to fight everything it does not like. As we know what we fight gets stronger, so when we fight what we don’t like we make more of what we don’t like.
Right now, think about one negative thing that you are fighting against in your life.
Then write a sentence that says
“I am fighting ……… and by doing this I am creating more ……… in my life.
EX: I am fighting stress, and by doing this I am creating more stress in my life.
Stress: Anyone ever heard of that word? So what happens when you feel stress? Does it upset you when you are stressed? Do you get angry about it?
A common cycle is that some event happens, typically a difficult, time consuming, or “bad” event. This event causes a negative reaction from you, STRESS. When you get stressed you realize that you are getting stressed out. You then get frustrated that you are letting this event control your life. When you get frustrated it causes you to get upset. When you get upset you then start thinking about all the things that are wrong. Now you are stressed about all these events going on in your life. This becomes even more upsetting. What you are doing is you are mentally fighting stress, and this causes stress to grow. You are looking at what is wrong.
So, Many times we look at what is wrong, and we fight against that either emotionally or mentally. But what if nothing is wrong?
Glass 1/2 full story – by …..Lee Brower
Asked people is glass 1/2 full or 1/2 empty.
What lee did is he altered everyone’s perspective, instantly.
Nothing was lacking, no wrong or bad in that glass
Are there ways that Stress makes you grow? Are there ways that stress makes you stronger? What if you used stress to grown instead of using stress to grow stress?
This is one of the results of learning a proper perspective.
With a clear perspective you will be able to
– evaluate situations clearly and truthfully
– reduce or eliminate stress
– have constant peace and happiness in your life
– gain more understanding of your life, and others around you
– create a happy and peaceful environment so that you can grow your business and your life
So what we are going to talk about today is perspective. We must learn to Perspective. What is perspective and what does it mean?
Perspective is the judgment mechanism that we use to judge the events that happen to us in our lives. We use perspective to decide what is good, what is bad, what we enjoy, what we allow, and what we will fight against. The difficulty is that most of our perspectives are based on worldly or earthly concepts.
Because of our conditioning and need for survival we have formed perspectives that we feel have served us well. Perhaps in our youth our perspectives were needed for survival, but in adult life our perspectives many times hold us down and keep us from having happiness, peace, freedom, love, or success. Our perspectives can also limit our lives. They cause us to judge events and this judgment creates grief or rejection in our lives.
Once we recognize that we have perspectives and that the perspectives are false then we must learn what truth is, and replace our false perspectives with a true perspective. This starts with the realization and grows with knowledge of truth and of new perspectives.
So one truth is that “We are not physically connected with what happens around us. The only connection we have with positive and negative events, is held in our perspective.”
I’m going to say that again, We are not physically connected with what happens around us. The only connection we have with positive and negative events, is held in our perspective.”
a very elementary example of this is this story: This story really does not get into the depths of true perspective but it covers a basis that we can work from.
A few of you may know that I have worked as a Police Officer in Texas. This is a story that happened to me while on duty as an officer.
***Police related Story***
Late one October while at work, the rain had been poring down unceasingly all day. This evening at work it appeared that I was going to have to get out of the car and swim in a deep ditch and try to assist someone else whose car had gotten stuck in the muddy cold flowing water.
As I was driving to this area I was thinking “I hope I don’t have to get out of the car.” I imagined my uniform covered in mud, me soaking wet, all my gear dirty. As I thought this I mentally decided to have a new perspective, or to create a perspective change.
I thought about how strong I am, and my ability to climb into the water and to help someone else. I thought about people in movies battling insurmountable odds to rescue themselves and others, becoming heroes.
I though about bragging to my friends about my heroics of the evening. I pictured myself swimming in the cold water, rescuing people from certain death, and safely returning them to solid ground.
As I though of these things my entire attitude changed. Suddenly I was not wishing that I did not have to get out in the October rain, but instead I was seeing myself triumphant and strong, soaking wet and yet soaking happy.
I no longer cared about the rain.
Nothing really changed though. It was still cold. I was still me. The rain was still coming.
The only change was that The only connection I had with positive and negative events, is held in my perspective. In other words, my perspective changed, and my connection to these events changed.
This is a great example of a perspective change. My perspective went from one of resistance and one that I was fighting against, to one that I welcomed. Either way the task at hand was the same, either way I was in the same situation, the only difference was that in one perspective the situation was upsetting, and in the other perspective the situation was heroic and exciting.
“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” -Carl Gustav Jung,
If you look back at my story, once I accepted the above event, I was able to enjoy it, and see it as something that I could learn from and grow positively.
So, lets go back to our list of labels of who you think you are.
Pick one of these labels that is the strongest and hold this label in your mind. Picture yourself as that thing. Ill give you a few seconds to really get a clear picture of your label. You can even repeat to yourself
I am …. Label…
There is a reason that you picked this label. You, to some degree, are living your life as if this label is truth.
• As you picture this ask yourself, am I fighting this label.
• Am I pursuing this label?
• Do I want this label?
• Am I resisting this label?
• Lastly, Am I really this label.
So if stress is your word. You would ask yourself. Am I fighting stress? Am I pursuing stress? Do I want stress? Am I resisting stress? Am I really stress?
Then ask this last
• can I accept stress and live simultaneously, yet independent of it?
What does this mean? It means you know stress exists, it means you accept it as being there, it means you will work side by side with it, yet it means you will not fight it.
I want everyone to add one label to their list of labels. Take out your pen aright now and add I am a …………..Bird.
I know this is a little silly, but it totally applies. So for a moment pretend that one of your labels is “I am a bird.”
If you believe, with all of your heart, that you can fly like a bird. You see yourself as a bird, you eat bird food. You walk, talk, and even stretch your neck like a bird, but can you fly? Can you lay eggs? What happens if you jump off a building expecting to fly? Your belief in what you think you are did not change who you really were, your belief did not make you a bird, but because of your belief you lived your life as if you were a bird.
In life, we see ourselves as things we are not. We think we are shy, unloved, selfish, unhappy, stressed, lonely, and many other things. You probably have lived your life believing several or all of these are true. Did the belief that you were shy make you shy? Does the belief that you are a bird make you a bird? You are no more shy, then you are a bird, but you are living your life as if you were shy.
This is a source of unhappiness. It is like jumping off a building and thinking you can fly. You are trying to be something that you are not. You are not a bird, you are not shy, or selfish, or stressed, etc, but you believe it so much that you live it with all of your heart. You think about it. It comes out in your speech and in your actions. People can see it in the way you dress. Every one around you believes you are this way. They believe it because “if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck then it’s a ….”
However, you would not be happy being a duck. Just as you would not be fulfilled and complete if you were forced to live life like a duck,
you can not be complete or fulfilled when you live your life for anything other than who you truly are.
Today we are not going to go deeply into who you are, but we will talk about what you are not.
You are not your labels. Most if not all labels are false. Hard worker, lazy, neither are you.
How does all of this apply to you and I?
I want you to have peace in your life. I want you to have clarity in your life, and I want you to have success in your life. It is very difficult to have peace when your perspective is false. It is also difficult to have lasting peace when you are attached to a label.
When you attach to one of these labels then you are unhappy, you are not a peace, and you do not have the clarity needed to run your business or life.
Can you really come up with new creative, and invigorating business ideas when you are depressed? Can you really and truly be enlightened with amazing new concepts when you are stressed out?
There are many different methods that I am working on to clear labels. We will talk about one today.
I want you to picture your label as a real and living thing.
So pick one label from your list, other than bird anyway.
Once you have your label get out some paper and a pen.
Really hold in your mind that this label is a separate and living thing. It is a being. It is separate from you.
Now draw a quick picture of your label. Draw what stress, or unhappy, or depression, or fear, or laziness looks like. Before you draw these things remember, these are not human, they are another being, other than human, so they can not look like a human because they are not human.
I guess they could look like your ex spouse. j/k
Does everyone have their picture?
Now, does this picture look anything like you? The answer is no, You are an amazing creative human being. You are not stress or laziness or whatever. You are separate beings.
So when you notice your label in your life think about this exercise. Think about what the label looks like, and then remember that it is not you. It is not part of you. Remember who you really are. You have nothing to do with your labels. You are separate.
After this call, when you are back in life, and are having difficulty with clarity, or are just unhappy label that thing. If its unhappiness label it. Realize that it is not who you are. You are not unhappiness. You are a creative amazing human being. You are full of energy and joy. Your Glass is Full!
You might feel the desire to wad up your label and throw it in the trash, or to burn it, or to tear it to shreds, but that would be fighting against your label. The truth is your label is not you, don’t fight against it, just notice it is there, and notice that it is completely separate from you.
Why does this matter?
Your perspective is a completely separate thing than you are. Think of your perspective as an actual living thing. We are so attached to our perspectives that we believe they are us. We talk as if they are us. We even claim them as our own. Believe it or not, but our perspectives even make our choices for us! Have you ever done something that you said I’ll never do that again, but you do it again. Have you ever done something that you knew you should not do when you did it? Many times these “other beings” our perspectives, are making these choices for us.
I am a strong believer in taking responsibility for your actions, however, over time, perspectives and patterns and habits can rule our lives so strongly that WE are not making the choices but THEY are. To be your true self, to truly create and live and succeed you will be strengthened by reducing and eliminating improper perspectives.
Another way to locate perspectives in your life is to look at your speech. We say things like, well that’s not who I am, or I could never do that. All of these thoughts are attachment to our perspectives. Have you ever said “I would be mad if that happened to me.” You are pre deciding to be upset when some event happens. This is a perspective.
Ask yourself “why would you want to be upset when something happens?”
In this call we will not have time to go into great debts about perspective. I really want you to have the chance to get a glimpse of what your perspective looks like. In order to do this you must understand that you really are not your perspective.
I work a lot with people that have a criminal perspective. To them the word Respect is very powerful and important. If they feel like they are being disrespected they will react strongly. Disrespect can be something as simple as looking at someone inappropriately. It can be talking inappropriately to another person. In the Gang world disrespect is worthy of death. Literally people are killed for Disrespect. Officers get in fights over disrespect. Criminals will fight an officer in front of their friends and family solely to show the family that they will not be disrespected. The criminal might not normally fight the officer, but if the family is looking, and the disrespect happens, then the person will fight whole heartedly to prove that they stood up to and even cleansed them selves of the disrespect.
This concept is a perspective. It might not be yours or mine. We might not kill over being disrespected, but it is the same thing we do. We just do it in different degrees.
What are we killing with our perspectives?
As we shed these perspectives it allows us to live our lives with happiness and peace.
Many or all of you know John Dealey’s great mission of laughter. The other night I was with some friends telling jokes and I noticed that some people cover up their mouths when they laugh. They try to hide their laugh. They try to stifle it, to make it softer. The louder they get, the more they cover up. They are “holding” their laugh in.
Their true self wants to be happy. It wants to be free, to let go, and to just enjoy, but their perspective tells them that they cant do that. That they must control themselves. So instead of really 100% enjoying themselves they try to stifle their lives.
We are all told as children not to brag. We are told that bragging is a bad thing. So what happens when we get older. We accomplish some great thing and we don’t want to tell anyone about it. We get a complement and we down play it. A great example of this is when you complement someone on what they are wearing. They are wearing something that looks very nice and obviously is nice. You tell them so and they say “this old thing” or “I just grabbed something out of the closet.”
We are conditioned to not accept success. We are conditioned to downplay our success and to not speak of our success.
How can we continue to reach new heights if we are hiding what we do?
Are you conditioned to not accept success. Are you holding your negative perspectives in and letting them control your life?
All of our negative perspectives are stifling our lives. As we learn to shed these perspectives then we learn to really find peace and happiness every day of our lives.
I was talking to John about perspective one time and he told me an amazing perspective. I love this though.
As we go through life we have lots of different states of mind. Some times we call a state of mind an emotion and sometimes it is an emotion and also a state of mind. Some are good, some are bad. We judge these states of mind. John said that his desire is to only have 2 states of mind.
The first state of mind is Joy and the second is wonderment. John continued to say that he wants to live his life in one of these at all times.
He gave an example that he was walking down the street and gets robbed. Someone pulls up to him and puts a gun to his head. John said that he will be in a state of wonderment. He will not “freak out” or get upset or stressed. Instead he would say “I wonder why this man is doing this.” I wonder what made him get into this place where he would want to do this.
I think of the state of wonderment as a state of curiosity.
Another example of curiosity would be if your business was struggling in the economy. You have several state of mind choices. You could get depressed. You could get stressed. You could even get suicidal. But you could try John’s method, the curiosity method. Just look at the event and ask, isn’t that curious. How peculiar that this is happening.
The great thing about the curiosity perspective is that you are now in a clear state to evaluate and grow instead of a state to judge yourself and condemn.
Lets talk about judgment for a moment. Any time you judge any thing you are trapped in a perspective. This perspective could be healthy, but it could be unhealthy.
A very common perspective is that everything is either Good or Bad.
Daily we judge something that happens to us. We look at all events and we label the event as good or bad. Of course we want more of the good and less of the bad, but BAD HAPPENS. So what this causes is for us to fight the bad, and to desire the good. What happens when we fight something?
It grows! What happens when we desire something? It runs from us. Anyone that has ever had a crush on someone knows this is true. When you desire someone, or something it usually runs from us.
So you want the good, it hides, you fight the bad, it arrives.
Since we have already judged it as bad we now have to react accordingly. We have to get upset or stressed or depressed or whatever negative emotion we attach to BAD.
However, you could shift your perspective. Instead of looking at events as good or bad you could view the events as “just life.” If everything that happens is “just life” then you can decide what parts of life you will follow.
The truth is, most events are not bad, they are just events. We have to decide they are bad before they become bad.
A great example of this is our current economy. More people make more money when economy’s are depressed then when they are at the top, however as you see media and talk to people all they talk about is the money they are loosing. They are judging this economy as bad. The truth is this is just an event. There are people that are making money as it goes down, there are those that make money as it goes up. Its only bad if you are not educated in the right economical direction. So don’t judge the economy, change your education.
My challenge to you:
Every time you feel a judgment, or emotion, good or bad. Look at that event. Analyze the emotion. Then ask yourself, can I look at this in a different light. Can I see this in a different perspective. Can I view this in a more joyous, happy and constructive way.
An exercise to help you do this.
Right now, write down this sentence.
Things I judge as bad are: (make a list at least 5 long)
Don’t complete the list now, just write the sentence down.
After this call is over, notice the things you judge as negative or bad. Add to your list as you notice a negative association with an event.
It could be something as simple as a bad driver. So ex: tomorrow when you are driving to work someone cuts you off on the road. You have to break hard to avoid hitting them. You get upset and start to judge them. Write this down on your list.
Then go through each one of the items on your list and write a short paragraph to yourself.
The paragraph will start by saying:
I love bad drivers. Then continue and write a short paragraph about why you love bad drivers.
So I would write
I love bad drivers. I love them because they give me excitement as I drive. I love them because bad drivers let me appreciate my awesome driving skills. I love them because they are probably having a hard day and so they just need my love. I love them because they help me to grow and see a new perspective. I love it!
I promise you will instantly feel happier.
Why does this work? First off, you are changing your perspective from one of fighting to one of allowing. Second you are mentally associating why you love this thing. Third, you are creating new channels in your mind that allow you to not judge, but to just recognize.
The end goal of this exercise is that when you start to judge something as negative you can stop your judgment and return to a place of peace and joy.
When you are in a state of negative judgment this is when stress and unrest develop. This is when your creative abundant self is stifled. This is when you are not living your fullness.
So as we remap our minds to release judgment we allow ourselves to create.
The last point I will talk on today is the words I AM
In religious texts this sentence is used regularly, however I want you to analyze it from a different perspective.
Many times we start sentences with these words
I Am. Our first exercise delta with this.
I am is a label. However, very few, if any labels really describe who you are.
I am fat
I am skinny
I am greedy
I am selfish
I am lonely
I am sick
I am tired
In fact, using the label method of description it would take 100’s of I am’s to describe our complexities. When you start a sentence with I AM it might be time for a perspective change.
You may be saying “But I really am fat” or I really am “lonely”
Are you? Is that your great and divine and ultimate purpose. To be fat and lonely? My point here is that when you are labeling yourself you are also deciding and agreeing that this is ok. I can call myself fat because its obvious that I am. This is what we are doing. However, I would encourage you to look deeper. Not at the external, but at the internal. If you are going to label yourself, label appropriately.
Think of yourself as a filing cabinet. On the outside you are a square gray metal box. But inside you are full. Full of many wonderful things.
You can say:
I am a square gray metal box
I am un attractive
I am lazy and just sit on the floor.
Or you can say
I am full of information
I am full of love for others
I am full of peace
I am full of desires to grow and learn
If you were to strip yourself of all earthly labels and just be at peace then eventually your sentence might just simply be “I AM.”
I have found that this describes me perfectly at times. I am
A great exercise for this is to sit with a friend and ask over and over “who are you?” You will respond “I am a …whatever…” Ask t his over and over again till you get to deep and meaningful sources of who you really are.
So to Re-cap:
We are happy creative joyous and loving beings. We are surrounded by events and life that can support and encourage our happy creative and loving states. We decide if we see the full glass, we decide if the events that happen to us support or depress.
Learning to Perspective can allow, or restrict this from happening.
Learning who you are is one of the biggest aids to allowing this to happen.
You learn who you are through analyzing your labels, recognizing your judgments, and finally discovering your I Am