Do you know what true forgiveness is?


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Did you really forgive them?

I have always tried hard to be a forgiving person and I really have felt in the past, that I knew what forgiving someone was, until now.  I did not know that I was doing it all wrong!  I did not know that I was not really forgiving.  Here is why!

There are several things I have done in the past to forgive someone. I have thought about what they did and seen that it was in the past. I have decided mentally to forgive them. I have prayed and asked God to forgive them. I have prayed for them.

Out of these and other things the biggest thing that made the biggest difference was deeply talking to my maker and asking him to “forgive them for they know not what they do.”

When I do this there is just a peaceful and happy feeling that comes over me.

When I have done this I have felt like I really forgave them,

Until Now…

Today I was driving thinking about someone that I had “forgiven” and that had wronged me in a very rude and mean and vengeful way and I told myself that I had forgiven him and then I said what we all have said.

“He will get his.” Its the idea of God will punish him for what he did. Its the idea that Carma or fate or the universe will “get him back.” Its the sew what you reap concept.

When I had this thought I realized that was feeling vindictive toward this person. I realized that I hoped and wanted and believed that he would be punished for his actions. Vindictiveness is like being in jail.  You are trapped by a desire to get even, get back, or get revenge.

True Forgiveness, always developing

In fact I wanted him to be punished by God for his actions.

Well when I realized this I realized that true forgiveness possesses absolutely no vindictiveness.

Christ did not say “I forgive them but make sure you punish them.”

I don’t remember Christ telling the people that he forgave but “what comes around goes around.”

The truth is if we am still feeling vindictive or if I still think they deserve to be punished then I have not truly forgiven.

You may not be ready to forgive yet.  You may still need to work on some of the strong emotions that are holding you back from forgiving.  Click here for a cool tool you can use to help with that.

Along these notes – What comes around goes around. If I want them to be punished for what they have done, for their wrongs, then in all fairness I will be punished for what I did wrong, for my infractions.

Of course I want mercy. So perhaps its time I had some mercy and showed it to others.  Perhaps its time to set yourself FREE.  Perhaps its time to get out of jail.  Perhaps its time to live your life instead of worrying about others “getting theirs.”  Perhaps its time to FORGIVE!

From hence forth I will truly forgive and hope good to those that wrong me. I will pray that I can completely forgive them, that God will completely forgive them, and that good fortune will come their way.

Any less is not forgiveness, it is just acting like forgiveness.

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  1. Mandy pants
    August 3, 2009 at 11:42 am

    I struggle with forgiveness alot eventhough Im not perfect and I know I hurt others sometime and I pray that they forgive me when I tell them “I’m sorry ” for what I did to hurt them. I think alot of my struggle is I feel like I need an apology when someone hurts me because I want them to know that they hurt me and that wasn’t right to do. I’m trying to work on it .

    • guy1511
      August 3, 2009 at 12:01 pm

      M Pants,
      Thank you for being so open! Many times when we feel hurt or offended we want the other person to go through pain. We want them to hurt like we hurt. Sometimes we do this because we want sympathy or empathy for what we are feeling and sometimes we do this because we want them to feel what we are feeling.

      This is a very common feeling that probably most people if not all people feel at some time in their lives. When this happens try to keep in mind that their apology wont take away what they did. Furthermore as you dwell on what they did wrong, and what they need to do to fix it, you are really only pulling yourself down. When we are unforgiving the only person we are hurting is ourselves. Soon I’m going to write about acceptance vs resistance, but until then try to look at what happens and just accept that it happened. You don’t have to agree that it is a good thing, but just accept that it has already taken place and that it is in the past. When we try to fight something it grows stronger, when we accept it we can then let it go. More on that topic soon. I promise.

  1. May 8, 2010 at 11:42 am

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